I'm still not understanding why we need to do this. Were they
even threatening us?
And don't tell me this is a political ploy, Tim. Clinton's up
by like 80 points in the polls, so a war does him no good at
this point. More people are likely to vote for broccoli in the
November election than vote for Dole at this point.
Actually, given the candidate palette, broccoli is sounding
really good at this point.
> * Two polls released yesterday show President Clinton with
> a substantial lead over Republican candidate Bob Dole.
> - an LA Times poll gives Clinton 54%, Dole 37%, and
> Perot 8%.
> - a Pew Research Center poll gives Clinton 52%, Dole 34%,
> and Perot 8%.
Okay, so he's not ahead by 80 points. But he may as well be.
My fricking Bob Dole shares are down to 16 cents a share.
At this point, I'll write off the money as a complete loss
as a guarantee that Dole won't win. Plus it's nice to be able
to say I lost a hundred bucks betting on Forbes and then Dole.
> * The Washington Post has reported that TWA Flight 800
> investigators are considering blowing up an empty 747
> to help them determine the cause of the explosion
> aboard the flight.
Man, where can I get a job where I get to do things like this?
> * The first major debate between presidential candidates
> is tentatively scheduled for September 25.
> - it has not yet been decided if Ross Perot will participate.
I like that little paranoid nut. He might actually make the
Rohit, isn't September 25 going to be our 48-hour day?
> * Dole political consultant Roger Stone resigned yesterday
> after reports were published in tabloids the he and his
> wife had advertised for group sex.
> - Stone was an unpaid member of Dole's "Clinton
> accountability team."
They just don't make good sex scandals like they used to, you know?
> * The Senate yesterday voted to ban gun sales to convicted
> spouse and child abusers.
I'll take "Common Sense Laws that Congress Has Refused to Pass
Previously Because of NRA Intimidation" for $400, Alex.
> * Iraq yesterday said that Kuwait's allowing of US forces to
> be based in Kuwait is comparable to a declaration of war.
> - Kuwait defended its decision, saying it must defend
> itself against Iraq's "jungle mentality."
I'm trying to decide if "jungle mentality" is a racial slur.
> * Iraq announced yesterday it had fired 3 more missiles at Western
> air patrols in southern "no-fly" zone.
> - the Pentagon denied reports but later confirmed them.
I'm sick of this. Why are we picking a fight with Iraq???
> * Oil prices hit a 5-year high yesterday dye to anxiety over Iraq.
> - Brent crude-oil surged to $24.39 a barrel in London.
> - Oil for October delivery closed at $25 a barrel in N.Y.
Of course, of course. The reason we're picking a fight with Iraq is the
same reason Clinton is whoomping Dole. My bad luck. I spend all my
money on Dole shares, he plummets like a... like a big old plummeting
thing. I announce my intention to buy a car, oil shoots up to $25 a
Just let me know when you want it to rain, and I'll wash my car.
> * Corn and soybean prices rose yesterday due to weather
> - a forecaster said there's a 60 to 70% chance of crop-killing
> frost before midwest crops mature.
Deep down, it warms my heart to know someone just got killed in the
futures market, and it wasn't me.
> * Germany put an electronic Internet page on list of banned
> - site is a neo-Nazi website out of Canada run by Ernst
Germany bans publications??? Doesn't this violate their first amendment
> * US Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corp. said 30-year, fixed-rate
> mortgages averaged 8.28% this week.
> - rates fell this week after good inflation news.
Rates fell this week after I announced I won't be buying a house this
> * Tudor Investment, a N.Y. securities trader, agreed to pay
> $800,000 to settle charges it violated rule governing short
> sales on stocks.
> - denies any wrongdoing.
> - rule meant to prevent traders from driving down a stocks
> price by heavy short selling and then buying back at profit.
Left to our own devices, people can be devious little smacked up
weasels, can't we?
> * Gillette Co. to buy Duracell International Inc. in $7 billion
> stock deal.
> - Duracell stock gained $9.875 to $58.25.
I guess now batteries will be included?
> * Doubletree Corp. to buy Red Lion Hotels Inc. in $1.2 billion
> - will create one of largest hotel chains in US.
Besides Rohit, who else in the world stays at both of these hotel
> * Oracle Corp. earnings reportedly doubled in its fiscal 1st
> - due largely to a big charge in last year's 1st quarter.
Oracle's success continues to amaze me.
> * FTC approved Time Warner Inc. acquisition of Turner Broadcasting
> System Inc.
> - creates world's largest media conglomerate.
> - Time Warner and Turner told employees yesterday to expect
> layoffs in "overlap" areas after merger.
How much does Ted Turner stand to make from this deal?
> * British pop stars Oasis have cancelled their pending US tour
> following a fight between group members in a hotel in
> Charlotte, North Carolina.
Oh man, I would have paid to see the members of Oasis hurt each other.
> * Sharon Stone, Carrie Fisher, Richard Dreyfus, Michael Douglas,
> and Tom Hanks were among the Hollywood personalities who
> attended a Democratic Party fundraiser last night in
> Los Angeles with President Clinton.
> - Barbara Streisand performed at the event.
Why's Hollywood (with the exception of Charlton Heston, Bruce Willis,
and Arnold Schwarzennegger) so gung-ho Democrat?
Nothing makes sense anymore. Then again, maybe it never did.
L.A. El Lay. La-La Land. The Land of Fruits and Nuts. The City of
Fallen Angels, of palm trees, smog, and kosher burritos. Aldous Huxley
described it as a place of dreadful joy. Raymond Chandler said it had
the personality of a paper cup.
-- Al Martinez