Church of Objectology, Double Redux.

I Find Karma (
Thu, 15 Jan 1998 18:17:35 -0800

Doing an altavista search +objectology -fork -dist-obj reveals two links
on the Web:

Let's have a look at one of them, for fun.

Oh, man, this is so cool, I include it below. The other reference, of
course, is meaningless -- they hit the reply key and then didn't even

But I guess except for a mocking Borland April 1 announcement, the
Church of Objectology is right here on FoRK.

-------------------------------8< snippety snip snip--------------------

Subgenius Digest V5 #2

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Mon, 3 Jan 94 00:02:53 EST

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Subgenius Digest Mon, 3 Jan 94 Volume 5 : Issue 2

Today's Topics:
Church of Objectology
Rock Must Die

Message-Id: <>
Subject: Church of Objectology
Date: Sat, 01 Jan 94 23:58:26 -0500
From: Michael Travers <>


SCOTTS VALLEY, CA (APR. 1) BUSINESS WIRE - In a move many industry
analysts consider a visionary cost-cutting measure, Borland
International Inc. (NASDAQ:BORL) announced on Thursday that it would
register with the federal government as a non-profit organization, and

In order to qualify as a non-profit organization under the government's
strict tax laws, Borland announced plans to become the Church of
Objectology, a religion dedicated to the holy mission of producing
object-oriented software. The Church's fundamental belief is that all
things earthly are objects to be used and exchanged. Employees of
Borland, now acolytes, must make a declaration of faith and denounce any
other religious affiliations. The profession of faith will be performed
in a private ceremony. The ceremony will be monitored by an agent of the
Internal Revenue Service on permanent assignment at the Church.

"We're very excited by this plan. Many of our employees have said that
they have no life outside of Borland, and we've responded to that," said
Doug Cuenin, former Borland Human Resources Vice President and current
Grand Indoctrinator of the Church. "As followers of the Church, our
acolytes enjoy tax-free 'aid', and through their work the code is
spread. It's a win-win situation for all involved." Cuenin also
announced that a wall would be built around the Church campus, currently
under construction.

Programmers working for the Church will now be a cloistered order; their
only permitted contact with the outside world will be to attend
conferences. "I have seen the light, and it is code. It is
object-oriented code. It is good." Said Bob Warfield, former Borland
head of Research & Development and current High Deliverer of the Sacred

"Our conversion will result in a price increase, but that money is now a
donation, and the user will definitely see a savings come next
April. It's a win-win situation for everyone," said Alan Hendricks,
former Borland Finance head and current Sacred Keeper of Alms. "Since
donations must be voluntary under the law, users can order software from
the Church without making a donation."

The Church also announced the release of AlmsBase, a Paradox for Windows
application designed to track users who have received Church software
but haven't made their donation. Using DDE links to Windows multi-media
extensions, AlmsBase calls users at random, playing various Disco
selections until a valid donation is registered. "Many religions have
expressed an interest in licensing the system," said Spencer Leyton,
former Borland head of Business Development and current Arch-Deacon of
Spreading the Code.

Philippe Kahn, former head of Borland, has been in seclusion since his
promotion to Church Hierophant, and was unavailable for comment.

For millions of software developers and believers worldwide, the Church
of Objectology is the leader in application development software. A
pioneer in the use of object-oriened technology, the Church is committed
to offering the world's best database management, programming languages,
development tools, spreadsheets and applications software. The Church's
products include dBASE, Paradox, InterBase, Quattro Pro, ObjectVision,
Sacred C++ and Blessed Pascal with Objects. Founded in 1983 by Philippe
Kahn, the Church is headquartered in Scotts Valley, California.
CONTACT: The Church of Objectology, Sister Heidi Sinkewicz, 408/555-****


From: Paul Christopher Workman <>
Subject: Rock Must Die
Date: Fri, 31 Dec 1993 00:45:52 -0500
Organization: Senior, Math/Computer Science, Carnegie Mellon, Pittsburgh, PA
Message-ID: <>
In-Reply-To: <>

Excerpts from graffiti: 30-Dec-93 Re: Rock Must Die by William T Bajzek
> Rock wont die and it wont bow to people like you.

But it does bow to me! I ALONE CONTROL ROCK'N'ROLL!!! I say who achieves
STARDOM! I say who FADES AWAY into the background and eventually winds
up in a CHEAP HOTEL with a bottle of whiskey and a .38 revolver, BROKEN
AND HUMILIATED, longing for a quick escape from this cruel industry into

I AM NOT A MERCIFUL GOD!! Every rock group must BOW TO ME, worshipping
EVEN MY EXCREMENT, or they shall FEEL MY WRATH and never be permitted to
perform again!!!

I program every second of MTV! I do not design MTV for aesthetics, for I
do not care about your desire to me "amused." I design MTV to be a
carefully engineered to MAKE YOU ALL MY SLAVES! You do not believe me?
Consider then, how quickly Beavis & Butthead became popular! You think
this is coincidence? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Be good to the earth,


P.S. If you film your TV when an episode of "Beavis & Butthead" is on,
and look at it later, all you'll see is a spiral pattern rotating, while
a deep authoritative voice says "OBEY...OBEY... OBEY...OBEY..." Try it!


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One way or another, I'm gonna get you.
-- Blondie