Great, Scott(issue)!

I'm not a real doofus, but I play one at a national laboratory. (
Thu, 6 Nov 1997 11:32:57 -0600

News from the World Wipe Web.


From: Christopher Leithiser <>

EAST FILABUCKET, NY /DenounceNewswire/ -- October 30, 1997 --
Kimberly-Clark, makers of the popular Scott brand of bathroom
tissue, today announced its new "HTTP://" brand of bathroom tissue
targeted directly to the 90's "digerati" market.

Scott Tissue is the world's oldest and best-selling bathroom tissue,
available in more countries than any other brand of tissue.
Introduced in 1913, Scott Tissue is soft, strong and long lasting
with 1,000-sheet rolls.

The new "HTTP://" (pronounced "H,T,T,P Colon Slash Slash") tissue
will be available in one kilosheet (1024 sheet) rolls instead of the
traditional 1000-sheet rolls. "If our test markets are any
indicator, the 1K rolls should be a big hit with not only the geeks
on the go, but also geeks who've got to go!"

Each sheet of the 1K-sheet rolls of "HTTP://" Tissue will feature a
different image from a popular web page. The web page images are
provided by a number of sponsors, most notably Microsoft
Corporation, the lead sponsor with over 256 sheets displaying
different screen shots from the company's various web sites. In a
bold marketing move, Microsoft and Kimberly-Clark agreed to
co-market the "HTTP://" Tissue with the slogan, "When Do You Want to
Go Today?"

[Speaking of toilet paper designs, in light of recent legal
difficulties, a friend hopes they come out with a new pattern
featuring a quill Pen and a Rose. --- dm]