Rohit's roots

Dr. Ernest N. Prabhakar (ernest@pundit)
Tue, 9 Sep 97 07:27:15 -0700

I got the following forwarded to me today. It is pretty scary how
well they fit, although my parents have grown out of a few of these by
now. Some of these, I'm sure, are true of non-South Asian cultures,
but I am curious as to how many really are common among those of
Indian descent, but rare among other immigrants.

-- Ernie P.

Begin forwarded message

You know you're South Asian when...

1. You unwrap Christmas gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse
the wrapping (and especially those bows) next year.

2. You only buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off.

3. When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store
them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has moved

4. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table.

5. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil

6. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it.

7. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack.

8. You have never used your dishwasher.

9. You eat all meals in the kitchen.

10. You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers.

11. You use grocery bags to hold garbage.

12. You always leave your shoes at the door.

13. You hate to waste food.

a. Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw
away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them.

b. You have tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one
leftover chicken wing.

14. You don't own any real tupperware -- only a cupboard full of used,
but carefully rinsed, margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars.

15. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take
every time you stay in a hotel.

16. The condiments in your fridge are either Price-Club/Sam's sized or
come in plastic packets, which you save/steal every time you get
take-out or go to McDonalds.

17. Ditto paper napkins.

18. You never order room service.

19. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel
means any car ride longer than 15 minutes).

20. You own a rice cooker or a pressure cooker.

21. You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.

22. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.

23. You majored in engineering, medicine or law.

24. When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding
the dance floor trying to look cool.

25. You live with your parents and you are 30 years old. (And they
prefer it that way).

a. If you're married and 30 years old, you live in the apartment next
door to your parents, or at least in the same neighborhood.

26. You don't use measuring cups.

27. You feel like you've gotten a good deal if you didn't pay tax.

28. Your parents' house is always cold.

29. You reuse tea bags.

30. You have a drawer full of old pens, most of which don't write

31. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling
Information costs 50 cents.

32. You only make long distance calls after 11p.m.

33. You have acquired a taste for bitter gourd.

34. You like your meat well done.

35. If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they ask if
you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

36. Your parents never go to the movies.

37. Your parents send money to their relatives in foreign countries.

38. Your parents use a clothes line.

39. You've joined a CD club at least once.

40. You know someone who you think can get you a good deal on jewelry
or electronics.

41. You never discuss your love life or sex with your parents.

42. You parents are never happy with your grades.

43. You save your old coke bottle glasses even though you're never
going to use them again.

44. You keep used batteries.

45. You keep most of your money in a savings account.

46. You call an older person you never met before "uncle."

47. The first thing uncle asks you is "where are your parents from?"

48. When your parents meet strangers and talk for a few minutes, you
discover you're talking to a distant cousin.

49. You've been asked if you are a Hindi, or if you speak Hindu.

50. Your parents buy Sears/Montgomery Ward appliances believing they
are the best.

51. No one you're related to is a music major.

52. You avoid motels, especially if there is an aquaintance within a
250 mile radius of your destination.

52a. You sleep on their floor.

53. When you type, you put a space between the last word in a sentence
and the terminating punctuation mark !

54. Your parents don't realize phone connections to foreign countries
have improved in the last two decades, and still scream at the top of
their lungs.

55. When our fathers get together, no matter what the topic is, each
man is an expert.

56. You have a box of tissue or a towel in your car.

57. You grow your own vegetables.

58. You can't park your car in the garage, because you never throw
anything away and keep it there (just in case you need it).

59. You trust only foreign cars (accord or camry, metallic green).

60. You drive 2 hours and spend a whole day to get a complementary
cutlery set for listening to a sales pitch on vacation time shares.

61. 99.9% of the women you know, work in hospitals (Malayalees).

62. You cook in bulk.

63. You have bed sheets on your sofas.

64. When dining out, your parents think $1 is enough of a tip.

65. You recycle Christmas/Birthday gifts.

66. You head to the clearance rack as soon as you walk into a store.

67. You buy clothes from K-mart and put it in a recycled gift box from
Macy's before giving it.

68. Your favorite brand name is "IRREGULAR".

69. The few silverware you have is mismatched and plastic.

70. You frequently get honked at by those stupid American drivers who
think they know how to drive.

71. You know someone who owns a motel or a convenience store.

72. It's embarrassing if your wedding has less than 600 people.

73. You think an Indian businessman will give you a better deal because
he's Indian.

74. You spew forth the virtues of India, but don't want to live there.

75. Your list your daughter as "fair and slim" in the matrimonials no
matter what she looks like.

76. Your dad thinks it's perfectly OK to hawk and spit out a loogey on
the sidewalk.

77. You use Vicks Vaporub.

78. The video tapes you rent are 10th generation copies and have
scrolling commercials in the middle of the movie.

79. You know the words of the "Vicco Turmeric" commercial.

80. You've seen the ground while inside the lavatory of a train.

81. You've had to swerve around animals grazing on the road.

82. You've been in a bus where half the people riding are outside the

83. All your tupperware is stained with food color.

84. You have drinking glasses made of steel, the rim of which can cut
your mouth if you're not careful.

85. Experiencing 20 power blackouts in a single day doesn't faze you.

86. You tape Christmas cards on your wall.

87. You have a plastic rug-runner going down your hallway at home.

88. There's a pungent odor of spices as one enters your home.

89. You've never had a tanning salon membership.

90. You call fluorescent lights "tube lights" or a flashlight a "torch."

91. You pronounce "wary" and "very" the same way.

92. You pack a suitcase full of toilet paper when visiting India.

93. You've tied up your luggage with rope to keep it from falling apart.