Dave Barry on Alien Hackers

Rohit Khare (khare@pest.w3.org)
Mon, 19 Aug 96 14:31:37 -0400

> The plot thickens when Jeff Goldblum, who plays a
> brilliant cable-TV scientist, discovers, by analyzing
> signals coming from the extraterrestrial mother ship,
> that the aliens are the source of all "infomercials."
> This makes the Earth so mad that it decides to fight
> back. There is a spectacular aerial battle between a
> fleet of scale-model alien saucers and a fleet of
> scale-model Air Force fighters, led by President Weenie.
> Meanwhile, Jeff Goldblum, flying in the crashed enemy
> saucer, which is piloted by the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,
> gets inside the mother ship and uses his laptop computer
> to put a virus into the aliens' main computer system. He
> can do this because the aliens, like every other life
> form in the galaxy, have basically no choice but to use
> the Windows 95 operating system; in fact the whole reason
> they have attacked the Earth is to destroy Bill Gates.
> Goldblum's virus easily disables the aliens' main
> computer. Perhaps you're wondering why aliens who can
> travel millions of light-years can't fix a computer virus.
> The answer is that, like any large organization, the
> mother ship has only one individual who actually
> understands the computer system, and that individual is
> not available. The alien computer nerd is hiding in the
> bowels of the Mother Ship, playing the alien version of
> Space Invaders, in which the object is to kill little
> attacking figures that look like Keanu Reeves.