Also there is Bill Gates' charming little piece, "Windows to the Future"
Since Ernie wrote (and I quoted out of context)
> A brilliant analysis! A veritable MST3K of email!
> (or is that W3STK?)
Thanks, I wish I could do it all the time. Unfortunately, Bill
Gates doesn't offer much material in this piece...
> Windows To The Future
> by Bill Gates
> Windows 95 was a milestone, not a destination. As we celebrate the
> one-year anniversary of Windows 95, Id like to outline where were going
> with the Windows family of operating systems in the future. During the
> next year, well be embarking on several Windows initiatives, including:
> integrating with the Internet, advancing the PC platform, and making the
> PC easier to use and cheaper to own.
Is the implication here that Microsoft for its first 20 years never
pursued the goal of "making the PC easier to use and cheaper to own"?
> The Internet
> Using the built-in 32-bit TCP/IP stack, support for Windows Sockets,
> and Remote Networking, users no longer have to "patch together" their
> Internet connections, as they did with Windows 3.1.
Translation: Now we control the horizontal AND the vertical.
> Weve also just released our next generation web browser, Microsoft
> Internet Explorer 3.0, with support for ActiveX, Java, and mail and
> news reading. Internet Explorers NetMeeting feature allows users to
> communicate in real-time over the Internet/intranet, as well as
> collaborate on documents and share applications. Over the next year,
> our approach will be to make Windows so Internet-friendly that you
> will be able to browse web pages the same way you look at files and
> folders on your hard drive.
Translation: Over the next year, we will make it so easy for boneheads
to get onto the Internet that anyone who was on the 'Net before 1990
will kill himself or herself upon seeing what it has become. You
thought AOL, Compuserve, and Prodigy users were bad? You haven't seen
anything yet! And with Microsoft's forthcoming Click-the-Vote (TM)
software, we'll guarantee that all of these boneheads can vote in
local, state, and federal elections with the click of a mouse! Gates
for President in 2000!!!
> With the release of Internet Explorer 4.0 early next year, we'll
> enhance Windows so that any folder can be a web page with files
> represented as links, and graphics and descriptive text that makes it
> clear what role each link plays. Later next year, well take the work
> were doing with Internet Explorer 4.0 and integrate it into the next
> versions of Windows 95 and Windows NT.
There is no escape. Resistance is futile. You will be integrated.
> Advancing the PC Platform
> Over the next year, the computer industry is poised to make some
> amazing changes in the notion of what a PC is.
Translation: The thought of making even more money made me wet the
bed, so Melinda kicked me out of the bedroom and so here I am in my
pajamas using my 386 with a 24000 baud modem, running MS DOS 5.0,
writing about how I'm gonna make my next $18 billion.
> At the Windows Hardware Engineering Conference (WinHEC) in April,
Is WINHECK a nice way of saying WINHELL?
> I announced an initiative, supported by many leading hardware
> manufacturers, to create what we call the "Simply Interactive Personal
> Computer" -- or SIPC.
Um, Bill seems to have forgotten rule number 1 of acronym building:
spell something people can pronounce. What the winheck is SIPC?
> It is a framework of technologies that will make the PC platform the
> center of entertainment, communications and productivity in both home
> and office. For example, one of the SIPC technologies, "OnNow," will
> allow users to begin working on their PC within a few seconds after
> turning it on,
Just like the good old days when people were running DOS 2 on an 8088
with 640K of memory.
> and will reduce the number of times users need to reboot their systems.
Use a machine when you first turn it on? Reduce the number of reboots?
Why weren't these goals from day one?
> Were also doing significant work in the area of PC multimedia. Using
> the DirectX technologies developers can easily create applications
> that include high-performance 2D and 3D graphics, sound mixing and
> playback, and multiplayer Internet support. Youll see the majority of
> the top games this holiday season taking advantage of the DirectX
> technologies. Over the next year, well continue to expand our
> multimedia capabilities to add real-time media streaming of audio and
> video, 3D sound and synthesized music.
Translation: Watch out Nintendo and Sega, I've got my eye on you.
> Reducing Cost of Ownership
> Our third focus is to continue to make PCs easier to use and manage.
> Todays PC running either Windows 95 or Windows NT Workstation 4.0 is
> the most maintainable and easiest PC to manage yet.
What does "most maintainable and easiest PC to manage" mean???
> Features like Plug and Play, user profiles, and systems policies make
> PCs easier to set up, easier to manage, and easier for multiple people
> to use.
"Ease of use" means more fools will try to use them. And fools and
their money are soon Microsoft fodder.
> But reducing the costs of owning a PC is an ongoing mission -- there
> are still many things we can do to make the PC easier and cheaper to
> own. Over the next year, well begin work on an industry initiative
> to make PCs more manageable. As part of this effort, we will leverage
Argh! He's using the word "leverage"! Run away!
Seriously, this made the John Thornley "bad words" list:
Other words to make the list are empower, facilitate, synergy,
ubiquitous, and utilize. Thornley says, "These words annoy me because
they are overused and often used in the wrong context. I get most of
these words from group meetings."
Hey, maybe our group meetings qualify us to work for Microsoft...
> the work were doing on SIPC to make configuring PCs easier. For
> example, with support for the new Universal Serial Bus (USB) and IEEE
> 1394 architectures, users can attach and configure external devices to
> their PC easily, without having to open the case.
SIPC? USB? IEEE 1394!?!?! I'm surprised he hasn't said it's ISO 9000
compliant, too. (Wow bow to the FoRK patron deity-in-residence, Dogbert.)
> For users in a networked environment, we will incorporate features to
> allow users to log in to their company network from different PCs and
> see the exact same environment and run the same applications.
And this is considered a technology IMPROVEMENT? What year is this, 1990??
> If a PC ever fails, you will be able to simply plug a new PC into your
> company network and continue working, without having to reinstall all
> your software. Also, as new system components and device drivers
> become available, either on the Internet or on a corporate network,
> they can automatically be downloaded.
Wait, aren't system components things like printers? Using the new
Windows, I'll be able to download a printer? Cooooool....
> Charting A Course
> Windows is at the core of Microsofts strategy to make PCs easier to
Translation: Don't blame me when this strategy fails; you were warned.
> Over the next year, you can expect to see improvements to the
> operating system as significant as those seen with Windows 95 and
> Windows NT Workstation 4.0. By embracing and integrating the Internet,
> and by making the PC as accessible and manageable as other home and
> office devices, we, along with the industry, are charting an exciting
> course for Windows.
--- end of Bill Gates rant ---
I once went to speak at a school, and there was a 16-year-old
girl... And the girl says to me, 'You know what? I don't care what I
do, I just want to be famous.' And I thought, you know, I should
really just shoot her in the head because it would serve two things: It
would make her famous as the girl that Jason Alexander shot in the
head, and it would, you know, spare the world of the banality of the
rest of her life.
-- actor Jason Alexander, of the TV program Seinfeld, discusses the
nature of fame on Dennis Miller Live