Re: Being 23, in the FoRKa's Paradise.

Dr. Ernest N. Prabhakar (
Sun, 19 Jul 98 22:19:03 -0700

I'm not sure what it means that we're happy to post this to the archive,
but not to the live list. I'm sure it figures well for the Experiment.

Then, again maybe that's the Truman-esque crux of the problem. Rohit
is finally realizing that the Rohit "the myth, the magic, the megabit
munchkin maker" - is different than Rohit "the man." The things that
satisfy, fulfill, and nurture the one may be antithetical to the other.

I suppose I find myself agreeing with everyone. There is a brewing
crisis here, and because we care about Rohit we'd like to help him avoid
unnecessary pain. True, we shouldn't try to 'change' him just to avoid
our own reflected pain. However, as Gordon and Jim say (and more
importantly, *do*), we can share with him who we are, to help him
(re)discover who he is.

For my part, this reflects what I now believe (or at least hope) to be a
psychological realignment of my own. For a long time, I made decisions
- almost artificially - to support the external persona(s) of "Dr.
Ernie" - Christian, Counselor, Scientist, etc. However, I feel like the
last few years my 'personal demons' have gotten their revenge, and in the
process exposed much of the hypocrisy and falseness of all of those

On the other hands, those roles are still true and valid parts of my
core identity. However, none of those roles completely defines who I am
- though their reality may permeate all of who I am, if you can
appreciate the distinction. Also, in my theology a demon is a fallen
angel, whose only real flaw is that they fail to acknowledge a higher
authority. If I can recognize my demons, and why they have control over
me rather than vice versa, I can either excorcise or rehabilitate them.

Not that it is a simple, straightforward, quick, or easy process.
Counseling can play a big role - and even medication, at least for
creating boundaries within with other action can fruitfully be taken.
However, before I go there I, as several people said, have to get to the
point where I can face my need to change, and am willing to pay the

How to get there? Well, public confession (like this) certainly helps.
So does being inspired by people who -have- taken the plunge. And just
as important, being in a community of people who will accept, protect
and care for me during that incredibly vulnerable transition period where
all the old - fixed, rigid and outworn - shields have been torn down,
but the new - right-sized, flexible, and controllable - defense
mechanisms are not yet in place.

I think the last is the hardest. It certainly is for me. However, for
all your supposed efforts to distance yourself from any truly human
relatinships, Rohit, I think you've got a pretty good team backstopping
you right here.


Ernie P.

P.S. I think it'd be valuable to have Wayne view the thread.

They say I gotta learn, but nobody's here to teach me...
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me?
I guess they can't, I guess they won't,
I guess they front, that's why I know my life is out of luck, fool


If going to Sid's is what he likes who
the fuck are any of you to tell him anything? It's his life. It isn't in
any real dangerous crisis that I can see.

From: (Gordon Irlam)

I think learning how to be human is one of the hardest lessons there
is to learn. At least it has been very difficult for me. The better
you are at learning other things, the harder it seems to be to learn
this lesson. I think the difficulty stems from the fact that you
can't learn it using the same techniques as you might have used to
learn other things.

What is it he is seeking from his interactions with other people?

I care about Rohit, and I'm definitely around for Rohit should
he need me. Not the Rohit who seems constantly busy trying to
impress people though, but the real Rohit complete with all his
fears and worries about life. He doesn't need to impress me, it
is enough for him to simply be human.

From: Joe Barrera <>

All I can really do is thank God for my gifts and try not to bitch too
much about my "personal demons"