Words from Ernie about Women

Dr. Ernest N. Prabhakar (ernest@pundit)
Fri, 5 Sep 97 12:08:36 -0700

In keeping with FoRK's new role as group therapy...

I suspect Rohit intended these bits for me, given recent events.

> "When women are depressed they either eat or go
> shopping. Men invade another country." --- Elayne Boosler

I didn't actually invade a country, I blew up cars. I spent many =
hours last night playing therapeutic wargames with my friend Dustin, =
so it qualifies as the same.

The reason was that the girl I had mentioned to you - the one I came =
home to see while waiting to hear from Apple - just got back into =
town Tuesday. I called her up on Thursday...

...to find out that she had just gotten engaged to my rival (whom I =
fondly referred to as 'the schmuck with a red convertible', or =
schwarc)! A guy whom she had been seeing but I had never thought =
they had gotten very serious.

She and I had a long talk, and obviously things had changed with =
respect to her and the schwarc. It was definitely FoRK-level =
mockery, as she had been using the calling card I gave her to call =
him as well as me (she did promise to pay me back). I really would =
like to resent the situation, but it arguably helped her reach =
closure sooner, so I have to consider it a net gain.

For the record, she told me she still had a special place in her =
heart for me, just not of the marrying sort. While it is =
comforting in some ways, it of course just heightens the mockery. =
Which in the FoRKiverse makes it a win-win, I suppose....

At any rate, this is certainly a chance to put my philosophy to the =
test. I'll be the first ot admit that despair is an extremely =
attractive option. There is a real temptation to close up the =
doors of my heart, and try to lose myself in work, play, superficial =
relationships, or even religion. And of course rejection is one of =
the primal pains. FoRKers may have large egos, but we usually =
trade robustness for size.

Nonetheless, I choose to have hope. I have my coping mechanisms =
(like wargaming until 3 AM), but I try to use them sparingly, to =
spread out the grieving process rather than trying to obliterate it. =
I choose to believe that losing her to the schwarc is God's will, =
rather than a result of my failings or some random twist of fate. =
And that somehow God still loves me in the midst of all this, and =
will provide for me one way or the other.

It isn't easy. I am still somewhat ticked off at God for allowing =
this to happen. However, He seems to be making a decent attempt to =
sympathize and make it up to me, so I figure I'll at least give Him =
a chance to make peace. After all, where else can I turn?

Live, grow stronger, live another day.

-- Ernie P.

P.S. Tim, or anyone else, you up for breakfast at 9:30 in Pasadena =
Sunday? You can decide later if you want to come to our 'liturgical =
punk' church service at 11 AM.