[Finding] the woman I want???

Ernest Prabhakar (ernest@apple.com)
Wed, 13 Aug 97 12:24:13 -0700

<nofill>Wow, I think we're converging on a consensus!

Adam writes:
> They may be experiences, but they aren't important. You're probably
> the kind of person who, when he plays chess, tries to capture as many
> pieces as possible instead of remembering the Prime Directive: to
> checkmate the king.

Actually, I do have that problem.

Adam writes:
> We don't have to experience EVERYTHING in this life. There's not
> enough time, and frankly, not everything is worth experiencing.

Tim writes:
>agreed. but without a base of experience you don't really know what it is
>you want.

Adam writes:
> That's why you have a brain: to filter out the stuff in life that
> is unimportant. And believe me, pursuing lots of relationships,
> in the grand scheme of things, is vastly inferior in import and
> quality, than pursuing that one, single, meaningful relationship.

Tim writes:
> again, how do you find that one, single, meaningful person if your not out
> looking?

So, we reach an important distinction. The *goal* is to find THE ONE (or
True Love, depending on the sitcom being invoked). The question becomes
what *means* are best for finding that.

Tim appears to be advocating throwing oneself fully into multiple
relationships until THE ONE appears Adam seems to be pushing for a
minimalist interactions with others in case THE ONE shows up. Both those
sentences are probably highly oversimplified, but are at least interesting

I would invert the question. I would claim that the Goal is to learn to
love unconditionally (in my ontology, 'to love as God loves.') The
highest human expression of that is (ideally) in the context of the
family, and the challenge of marriage is finding someone with whom one can
pursue and experience that sort of love as the foundation for a family.
Thus, romantic love/marriage is only a means to that higher end.

Similarly, I see dating/courtship/hanging out as just another means to
that end - of learning to truly love. Thus, dating is not a means to
finding THE ONE, or and end in itself, but both are means to a higher end.

I admit this is a rather bizzarre tangent to FoRK's usual topics, but if
we accept that TRUST is the key issue we are facing, I suppose it is only
natural we have to consider love along the way...

-- Ernie P.

Ernest Prabhakar
Rhapsody Product Marketing Manager (until Aug 15th)
Email:  ernest@apple.com   Phone:(408) 974-3075  Fax:  (408) 777-0751